Season Finale: Just the Beginning

Banff was nothing but a distant memory by Friday afternoon. I arrived to a rainy Vancouver and took the bus to Whistler, where the pow was awaiting a shredding. Thankfully there were plenty of other people there to shred because I spent most of the time lying on the ground wondering whether I was looking at beautiful powder, or fluffy clouds at the pearly gates. My crash tally was up to around 200 by the end of the weekend, with my brain just one gentle knock away from throwing in the towel and my shoulders about ready to announce their retirement. Australia's biggest mountain as it is affectionately known, is really nice though - as long as you wear ear muffs.

Vancouver is also a great place, and not just because of all the great views of the mountains and the ocean. They have some really great street performers. I mean really good. Some of them are so convincing it's hard to tell whether they spent years training as an actor or they really are nuts. There was one guy who came running out of a building with his suitcase, then stopped right in front some business people rushing to work, blocking the path. As I watched him, he continued to walk in front of people, putting his suitcase in their way.

Comes out once a month

My third time in the USA was a short bus ride away, and by Sunday afternoon I was in Seattle, Washington. Seattle was cool, but was really just a stop-over for my visit further south. I arrived in Portland with the intention of visiting LAIKA (the animation studio responsible for Coraline) but was still waiting on an email reply. If I didn't get it before before Friday, I would just knock on their door and try my luck. I had an afternoon and one full day before then, so with my bright red jacket, a baseball cap and my camera hanging around my neck, I set off to do more sightseeing.

Oregon Zoo had a big event on, so I booked my ticket to the wild adventure they call 'Hedgehog Day'. Apparently Portland don't quite believe in the groundhog's ability to predict the weather, so they opted for the African Hedgehog to take a guess. I turned up expecting to see a cool little ceremony, where after a few speeches, the hedgehog would crawl out of its den and do something groovy. What actually happened was they carried him to the courtyard in a tupperware container, pulled him for the crowd to see, and quickly decided “it'll be a short winter”. The hedgehog handler/ psychic forgot what she had said and began to ask other people whether it would be a long winter or an early spring. I'm still not sure what it means if he “sees a shadow”, but I know his quills felt weird.

Not quite a groundhog, but still better than a weatherman.

On Friday morning I set off for Laika. I had my puppet in my hand and my camera on my back. I was determined and I was excited. I was going to visit LAIKA and they were going to give me a personal tour, and maybe give me a puppet or two to take home as a souvenir. After making more than a few mistakes with the public transport, I had finally made the 15 km transit within 4 hours. I arrived at a huge warehouse in Hillsboro with everything planned in my head. I was ready for them with a collection of witty remarks and clever replies, and I just knew I was going to have a great time playing around on the set of Paranorman. I was a little nervous though as I pulled open the door with my sweaty hands, walking into an exciting world of creativity and imagination. I was opening the door in the opposite direction a few moments later. Movie making apparently is very big business and companies don't want people wandering around inside their studios. Well I had a 250mm zoom lens and they had windows so I decided to take the self-guided tour.

LAIKA has two studios in Portland; the bigger stop-motion facility in Hillsboro and LAIKA House, a smaller studio in the city centre, which works on other stuff. I gave LAIKA House a shot, which was not exactly a success either, but at least their lobby was more interesting.

Where I was staying I heard two girls talking about a gourmet peanut butter and jelly cart. An hour or two later I was on the corner of Lovejoy and 22^nd, eating what can be described as a strange idea executed to perfection. I went there twice in 18 hours, making it the last thing I ate in Portland before I was back on the train to Vancouver.

Too good to be in a real shop.

A quick visit to Vancouver Island capped my visit out West and I was soon in the nation's capital. Rideau canal, the longest skating rink in the world, gave me no troubles as I crossed another activity off my to-do list (taking that tally to two). I was back in Montreal and gone again within a week after saying goodbye to my Canada friends.

I saw Boston and whizzed through New York again on my way to a flight out of JFK, bringing my North American adventure to an end. I wasn't sure, but I thought I heard a distant cheering as the plane took off. London was next on my itinerary. It was morning peak hour when I arrived, and by this stage of the trip I was lugging around four bags. Needless to say, I received a warm welcome from the 400 people on my carriage as I crammed in.

I only had a few days, but I managed to fit in most of the must-do things for a tourist, including making a call from a public toilet. The phone booths in London are the only place in Europe where the Bubonic Plague is still found. A trip to Paris was in the middle of my London sandwich, and was a great opportunity to use all the French I had learnt in Montreal. I'm not sure how things work in Paris, but they seemed annoyed when I responded to everything they said with “Bonjour” and “Merci”. Well Paris was very cool, and I manged to order crepes several times using only French. I'm not sure if they just guessed what I wanted though, because I began to get the feeling that my French was beyond awful.

C'est moi!

They Filmed all 16 seasons of World's Worst Drivers right here, in only 2 hours.

Back in London I watched a Randy Newman concert, saw more sights, then headed north to the city of Manchester. Manchester was on my travel itinerary primarily to visit Mackinnon and Saunders. The company has worked on the puppets for films such as the Corpse Bride and Fantastic Mr. Fox, as well as TV shows including Bob the Builder. Unlike Laika, I was allowed to visit and they gave me was an access all areas tour. I even had to sign a confidentiality agreement because I got to see stuff from the upcoming Tim Burton film Frankenweenie.

Edinburgh was my last destination, where I got a little confused trying to buy a kilt and ended up walking around in a woman's dress. I saw the Stone of Destiny in Edinburgh Castle, went to the Highlands and Loch Ness, met a highland cow, went to the underground vaults and watched the sun set from Arthur's Seat. All this was nice, but with so many people in kilts, what I enjoyed most about Scotland was that I didn't feel like I had to wear underpants, I just had to make extra sure when I left the bathroom that my fly wasn't open.

The Highland Cow!

The Scottish Highlands

That brings the first season of Mounties and Mooses to an end. This time next week, normal scheduling resumes when Jackie discovers Bill's hidden past in an exciting new episode of Mulgrew Grove.

The Seventh Story: Smooth Ride on a Rocky Road

I bid Montreal au revoir on a sleepy New Years day, and rode the Megabus to Toronto. The trip was fine but I felt silly, like I was a little overdressed for the occasion. I couldn't fit all my clothes in my bag so I ended up having to wear 4 jumpers and a heavy jacket. Needless to say, I went through around 3 cans of deodorant on the bus ride, and had to run my clothes through several cycles in the dryer once I arrived at the hostel.

Niagara Falls was just an short trip away, and was a must-see destination while I was in Toronto. I took a bus tour, which didn't look promising when it started snowing heavily as we neared the falls. The snow soon stopped and we had a great view, although I felt a little embarrassed for the Americans. The Canadian Horseshoe Falls are what people come to see, so I was surprised the USA would be parading around their cute little American Falls just downstream.

The well know Canadian Horseshoe Falls

The American Falls

The CN tower, formerly the tallest building in the world (although the Canadians don't seem to want to accept that), is pretty groovy. It really is quite a sight and anyone who hasn't visited Dubai would be impressed.

I doubt they'll be updating this in a hurry

Back at the stop-motion festival in October, I met Ashley and Andrew from Toronto who were in pre-production of a student film, so I caught up with them again while I was on their turf (or Sod?).

They were in the full swing of things now, and I got a chance to check out the awesome set and the great puppets, and hung out with them (the puppets, not Ashley and Andrew) for a while before I left the next day. I still had a bit to do in Toronto, and on my last day I spent more time exploring the city, and visited the CBC museum. It was pretty cool, and they had a few lessons for other museums that want to keep things looking classy.

My flight to Calgary from Toronto was good, and even though the pressures of sitting in an exit row seat had me sweating like mad even without all my jumpers on, I managed to sleep and have an great time. I checked into Calgary at 2AM, and left at 10AM the next day, so I didn't see much. But I was not in Calgary to see Calgary, I was in Calgary to see Banff, and after a short bus ride, I was in the thick of it.

While in Banff, I stayed at the Alpine Centre, a hostel that charges only $30 and a litre of milk per night. I have been eating cereal for breakfast, and every time I buy milk, the next time I take it from the fridge, someone has used almost all of it, just leaving a small amount at the bottom so they wouldn't have to feel bad about it.

I spent my first week in Banff looking for a job (partly to pay for all this milk), but after receiving countless offers, I decided to cut my losses and move on. I still had another week paid for though, so it was time to buy snowboarding gear and hit the slopes.

I finally went to Lake Louise Ski Resort on Sunday, and rode the hill from 9AM to 4PM without so much as a toilet break. I had great fun, but spent the next few days feeling extremely sore. If I didn't break by body, I sure as heck broke the record for most crashes in a single day. I must have crashed almost as often as my heart beat, and I was lucky that it was still beating by the end of the day. The worst thing was that I grazed my face on the ground at one point and has a nasty scratch all over, that I thought looked like I had spilled pasta sauce on my chin. I was a little embarrassed to find out later that I simply had past sauce on my chin.

The next few days got down to as low as around 30 below, so cold that the lifts weren't even running, . This meant I had a reason not to go tear more bones and break more muscles, and lose my nose to frostbite again. I always wondered what minus 30 felt like, but now that I've experienced it, I'm beginning to wonder what a nose, or ears, or fingers feel like.

When I was on the slopes, I spotted a $20 note on the ground (that gives you some idea of fast I must have been going). I was super happy, and stacked right next to, then grabbed it with a huge grin on my face and stuffed it into one of my zipped pockets. It seems that in all the excitement, I accidentally pulled the note out again before I zipped it, and later learnt that I also lost $20 on the slopes. I'm not sure how many times this happened, but at the end of day, I heard about 60 different people telling stories of how they had found a $20 note on the 'Deer Run'.

The Bow River, partly frozen over.

Other than that, the hostel can feel a bit like the Overlook Hotel, up in the mountains surrounded by snow, with not much to do but go crazy when it's so cold outside. Maybe it was even worse than the overlook though, because around 90% of the people staying there were Australian. My ears started to close over after a few days to protect themselves. I leave on Friday for Whistler and beyond.

In the February, 2012 edition, Kyan is as plan-less and clueless as ever, wandering around Canada trying to stretch those final pennies are far as they will possibly stretch. Read all about it in “The Complete Collection: Volumes 8-12”.

Falling in Love: The Golden Years

Autumn has come and long since faded into distant memories, but what a time it was. All the leaves turned yellow then fell on the ground before a street sweeper collected them and took them to the dump. It was beautiful.

Concordia University had a photo competition and I decided that I would give it a shot. I had a look through my pictures to see if I had anything that might fit the bill of an image that represents campus life at Concordia. Thankfully no one was around when I accidentally found an old folder full of private photos before the computer froze, leaving them stuck on the screen. I decided not to use any of those pictures though, because I didn't quite think cross-dressing represented the entire school.

I settled on one from the Laurentian Mountains, which are only a couple of hours away, and got to work on the caption (not knowing there would be someone from catering on the judging panel). This is what I came up with:

This photo represents the eternal struggle of a university student reaching for an unattainable goal, like getting a good lunch from the school cafe.
(there was a bit more, but I forgot it).

 I'm not delusional so I wasn't hoping to win or anything, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think I had a great chance at the $1000 prize. So it came as a bit of a shock when I received a page long email informing me that my entry had been rejected. Always a trooper, I decided to try again. Fighting back the tears, I searched through my albums once more in search of a suitable photo, and within hours I was uploading a second entry along with a new caption about the football team (called the stingers).

I tried to go to a Stingers game on the weekend. It turned out I had the wrong location.

I wasn't too upset when they turned the second one down, in fact I was kind of proud of them for disallowing such a lame joke.

I'm still not entirely comfortable with the tipping here, and have often found myself forgetting altogether, or sometimes way too much. So on Thursday after eating a slice at Pizza Bella, I left my whole wallet on the table. About 4 hours later, after a study session in the library, I met up with Lunji who told me that might have been too much. I panicked and ran around the city looking for my wallet full of all sorts of cards and a few bucks, thankfully they still had it and gave it back. I wasn't sure whether I should have tipped them for helping me out.

I took a trip down beyond the border into the home of the brave and the land of the free to see a Steven Wright show in Atlantic City on the night of the 3^rd of November. I left at 10.30 PM on Thursday night and arrived in Atlantic City at around 10 AM after changing buses in New York. I was tired, exhausted, and even a little bit sleepy after problems getting some rest on the bus, but I was excited to go exploring. I knew Atlantic City's main drawcard was the casinos, but they also have a boardwalk, so I was spoilt for choice. I walked through town to the boardwalk, passing by the huge casinos, then after several hours of trying my hardest to enjoy the place, I went to my accommodation and slept.

 

A few hours passed before I woke up, and caught the bus to the Borgata Casino. Once I arrived I bought a sandwich, and sat around for an hour after finding where the gates were. The doors opened at 7, and I was in by 7.00:15PM . I had a few seconds less than an hour before the show would start, so I just sat there daydreaming for a while, before I looked up at the stage again and saw Steven checking the placement of the chairs and microphones. He looked out at the hall and saw me sitting there, then gave me the thumbs up!

The show was awesome, and was well worth the 24 hours of traveling I had committed to. I would have been happy to go home again straight after the show, but the Big Apple beckoned. The next morning, still laughing to myself at the jokes from last night, I walked to the bus station and arrived an hour and a half early, meaning I got to catch an earlier bus which had some great entertainers on board.

I found a seat and we were soon off to New York City. I started to hear a dripping sound and after trying to work out where it was coming from, I looked up the bus and saw an old man a few seats ahead of me. He was fast asleep, but holding a bottle of opened water down by his side, which he had nearly emptied into the aisle.

A small river started flowing back down the bus and as I grabbed my bags off the ground, giggling like a schoolgirl, I watched the man wake up and lift the bottle to take a drink. He was shocked to see it was empty and started looking around the bus as if someone has siphoned the water from his bottle and drank it themselves. He fell back to sleep within moments and dropped the bottle of the floor to end his comedy show.

Within a couple of hours, I was in the hustle and bustle of New York City. Whoa man, if you ever want to feel smaller than an earthworm in a chicken farm, this is your city. I had only one day to check it all out, so I quickly set to work. First stop was a long elevator ride to the 'Top of the Rock' (the viewing platform at the top of the Rockefeller Center) which had a great view. I could see everything from up there. I saw the silver ball down at Times Square, the softball fields in the park, and Celine Dion shopping on Madison Avenue.

After taking in the views for a while, I decided to pound the pavement. I soon found myself wandering around in the park before I headed to my hostel to drop off some of my gear, passing by a few little landmarks on the way.

On my to do list Tom's Restaurant was sitting way up in the number one position, so I caught a crosstown bus and was on my merry way to the Seinfeld hangout. I accidentally got off about 12 stops to early, but I was going to Tom's Restaurant so I didn't care. All I had to do was cross Morningside Park, walk past Columbia University and I was there, it seemed easy enough. The only problem was the path I had to walk up had two thugs sitting up ahead on some steps. Always thinking of my safety, I decided to confront them. When I was within three or four metres of them, one of the guys pulled a knife. My brain was in a curious mood I guess, and decided it would like to know what being stabbed felt like, so I kept walking toward them. They stood up and blocked the path, before the guy without the knife said (in a taunting, unfriendly way) “how's it doing?” (or something like that). My heart was pounding so fast that my shirt had started vibrating, but I played it cool and said “it's alright”. “No it's not alright” he replied, as the guy with a knife put his hand on my shoulder and said something that I don't remember. I said “sorry” brushing them aside, “get your hand off my shoulder you dopey thug”. I walked away feeling quite proud of how I handled the situation, but a little worried about the knife stuck in my stomach.

Tom's Restaurant, or Monk's Dinner in the show, was a highlight of my life that surpassed the comedy show the night before, learning to ride a bike as a kid, and even being born. But I couldn't spend the rest of my time in NYC sitting in a booth, so I continued my tour to Times Square. Times Square is a great place. You could go there in the middle of winter and get a tan from the billboards. As tempted as I was to spend the rest of the evening watching Coca Cola ads on a 2mile wide screen, I knew Relatively Speaking was playing as an off-Broadway show. The ticket booth told me they had just one front row seat left, but I decided to pay a little extra and splurge on standing room. I had about 2 hours to kill before that started and planned to go for a preemptive podiatry appointment, but I couldn't get a booking. Down by the water seemed to be a decent fall back and I got to see the sun setting behind a funny statue of a lady with the Olympic torch or something. I walked up to Wall Street and saw the occupiers then went back to the theatre, watched the show, laughed a lot, went home, slept, woke up, went to the station and caught a train back to Montreal.

 

I returned to a tonne of homework (thankfully not mine) and a quickly got back in the groove of Concordia classes. Puppet animation took the place of eating, socialising and sleeping for the next couple of weeks. Leighenne and I had our first snow taste of snow at 3AM on the 23^rd, the last assignment was handed in on the 8^th and after sleeping in until the 21^st, I visited Quebec City on a bus tour.

The driver and guide on the Quebec trip managed to talk non-stop the entire time and laughed at their own jokes (which were very frequent and extremely bad), before repeating them in French and laughing again. The city was really nice and has an interesting history (I don't know what it is, I couldn't stand listening to the driver).

In a few days I will leave Montreal by bus on my journey westward (read about it in next episode: "Eastbound and Energetic – A Plane Ride to Paradise"). It doesn't feel like I have spent nearly long enough in Montreal, but it's time to move on. I didn't make as many friends as I could have, or as many good ones as I should have. I didn't master French, I didn't join any clubs and I didn't even play a single game of ice hockey, but I learnt a lot, met some wonderful people, and even shoveled the footpath like a true Canadian. It wasn't always easy, it wasn't always fun and sometimes it was downright difficult, but it was a fantastic time and I'm glad I did it. Exchange was a wild ride, but there's still a whole amusement park to explore. I love you Montreal, but now I've got to get out there and meet some new cities okay?

In the next edition of Mounties and Mooses Kyan visits some old friends in Toronto, finds a job as a stable hand, and accidentally orders fish. Read all about it in: “Chapter XI – The Lost Necklace”.