Season Finale: Just the Beginning

Banff was nothing but a distant memory by Friday afternoon. I arrived to a rainy Vancouver and took the bus to Whistler, where the pow was awaiting a shredding. Thankfully there were plenty of other people there to shred because I spent most of the time lying on the ground wondering whether I was looking at beautiful powder, or fluffy clouds at the pearly gates. My crash tally was up to around 200 by the end of the weekend, with my brain just one gentle knock away from throwing in the towel and my shoulders about ready to announce their retirement. Australia's biggest mountain as it is affectionately known, is really nice though - as long as you wear ear muffs.

Vancouver is also a great place, and not just because of all the great views of the mountains and the ocean. They have some really great street performers. I mean really good. Some of them are so convincing it's hard to tell whether they spent years training as an actor or they really are nuts. There was one guy who came running out of a building with his suitcase, then stopped right in front some business people rushing to work, blocking the path. As I watched him, he continued to walk in front of people, putting his suitcase in their way.

Comes out once a month

My third time in the USA was a short bus ride away, and by Sunday afternoon I was in Seattle, Washington. Seattle was cool, but was really just a stop-over for my visit further south. I arrived in Portland with the intention of visiting LAIKA (the animation studio responsible for Coraline) but was still waiting on an email reply. If I didn't get it before before Friday, I would just knock on their door and try my luck. I had an afternoon and one full day before then, so with my bright red jacket, a baseball cap and my camera hanging around my neck, I set off to do more sightseeing.

Oregon Zoo had a big event on, so I booked my ticket to the wild adventure they call 'Hedgehog Day'. Apparently Portland don't quite believe in the groundhog's ability to predict the weather, so they opted for the African Hedgehog to take a guess. I turned up expecting to see a cool little ceremony, where after a few speeches, the hedgehog would crawl out of its den and do something groovy. What actually happened was they carried him to the courtyard in a tupperware container, pulled him for the crowd to see, and quickly decided “it'll be a short winter”. The hedgehog handler/ psychic forgot what she had said and began to ask other people whether it would be a long winter or an early spring. I'm still not sure what it means if he “sees a shadow”, but I know his quills felt weird.

Not quite a groundhog, but still better than a weatherman.

On Friday morning I set off for Laika. I had my puppet in my hand and my camera on my back. I was determined and I was excited. I was going to visit LAIKA and they were going to give me a personal tour, and maybe give me a puppet or two to take home as a souvenir. After making more than a few mistakes with the public transport, I had finally made the 15 km transit within 4 hours. I arrived at a huge warehouse in Hillsboro with everything planned in my head. I was ready for them with a collection of witty remarks and clever replies, and I just knew I was going to have a great time playing around on the set of Paranorman. I was a little nervous though as I pulled open the door with my sweaty hands, walking into an exciting world of creativity and imagination. I was opening the door in the opposite direction a few moments later. Movie making apparently is very big business and companies don't want people wandering around inside their studios. Well I had a 250mm zoom lens and they had windows so I decided to take the self-guided tour.

LAIKA has two studios in Portland; the bigger stop-motion facility in Hillsboro and LAIKA House, a smaller studio in the city centre, which works on other stuff. I gave LAIKA House a shot, which was not exactly a success either, but at least their lobby was more interesting.

Where I was staying I heard two girls talking about a gourmet peanut butter and jelly cart. An hour or two later I was on the corner of Lovejoy and 22^nd, eating what can be described as a strange idea executed to perfection. I went there twice in 18 hours, making it the last thing I ate in Portland before I was back on the train to Vancouver.

Too good to be in a real shop.

A quick visit to Vancouver Island capped my visit out West and I was soon in the nation's capital. Rideau canal, the longest skating rink in the world, gave me no troubles as I crossed another activity off my to-do list (taking that tally to two). I was back in Montreal and gone again within a week after saying goodbye to my Canada friends.

I saw Boston and whizzed through New York again on my way to a flight out of JFK, bringing my North American adventure to an end. I wasn't sure, but I thought I heard a distant cheering as the plane took off. London was next on my itinerary. It was morning peak hour when I arrived, and by this stage of the trip I was lugging around four bags. Needless to say, I received a warm welcome from the 400 people on my carriage as I crammed in.

I only had a few days, but I managed to fit in most of the must-do things for a tourist, including making a call from a public toilet. The phone booths in London are the only place in Europe where the Bubonic Plague is still found. A trip to Paris was in the middle of my London sandwich, and was a great opportunity to use all the French I had learnt in Montreal. I'm not sure how things work in Paris, but they seemed annoyed when I responded to everything they said with “Bonjour” and “Merci”. Well Paris was very cool, and I manged to order crepes several times using only French. I'm not sure if they just guessed what I wanted though, because I began to get the feeling that my French was beyond awful.

C'est moi!

They Filmed all 16 seasons of World's Worst Drivers right here, in only 2 hours.

Back in London I watched a Randy Newman concert, saw more sights, then headed north to the city of Manchester. Manchester was on my travel itinerary primarily to visit Mackinnon and Saunders. The company has worked on the puppets for films such as the Corpse Bride and Fantastic Mr. Fox, as well as TV shows including Bob the Builder. Unlike Laika, I was allowed to visit and they gave me was an access all areas tour. I even had to sign a confidentiality agreement because I got to see stuff from the upcoming Tim Burton film Frankenweenie.

Edinburgh was my last destination, where I got a little confused trying to buy a kilt and ended up walking around in a woman's dress. I saw the Stone of Destiny in Edinburgh Castle, went to the Highlands and Loch Ness, met a highland cow, went to the underground vaults and watched the sun set from Arthur's Seat. All this was nice, but with so many people in kilts, what I enjoyed most about Scotland was that I didn't feel like I had to wear underpants, I just had to make extra sure when I left the bathroom that my fly wasn't open.

The Highland Cow!

The Scottish Highlands

That brings the first season of Mounties and Mooses to an end. This time next week, normal scheduling resumes when Jackie discovers Bill's hidden past in an exciting new episode of Mulgrew Grove.

The Seventh Story: Smooth Ride on a Rocky Road

I bid Montreal au revoir on a sleepy New Years day, and rode the Megabus to Toronto. The trip was fine but I felt silly, like I was a little overdressed for the occasion. I couldn't fit all my clothes in my bag so I ended up having to wear 4 jumpers and a heavy jacket. Needless to say, I went through around 3 cans of deodorant on the bus ride, and had to run my clothes through several cycles in the dryer once I arrived at the hostel.

Niagara Falls was just an short trip away, and was a must-see destination while I was in Toronto. I took a bus tour, which didn't look promising when it started snowing heavily as we neared the falls. The snow soon stopped and we had a great view, although I felt a little embarrassed for the Americans. The Canadian Horseshoe Falls are what people come to see, so I was surprised the USA would be parading around their cute little American Falls just downstream.

The well know Canadian Horseshoe Falls

The American Falls

The CN tower, formerly the tallest building in the world (although the Canadians don't seem to want to accept that), is pretty groovy. It really is quite a sight and anyone who hasn't visited Dubai would be impressed.

I doubt they'll be updating this in a hurry

Back at the stop-motion festival in October, I met Ashley and Andrew from Toronto who were in pre-production of a student film, so I caught up with them again while I was on their turf (or Sod?).

They were in the full swing of things now, and I got a chance to check out the awesome set and the great puppets, and hung out with them (the puppets, not Ashley and Andrew) for a while before I left the next day. I still had a bit to do in Toronto, and on my last day I spent more time exploring the city, and visited the CBC museum. It was pretty cool, and they had a few lessons for other museums that want to keep things looking classy.

My flight to Calgary from Toronto was good, and even though the pressures of sitting in an exit row seat had me sweating like mad even without all my jumpers on, I managed to sleep and have an great time. I checked into Calgary at 2AM, and left at 10AM the next day, so I didn't see much. But I was not in Calgary to see Calgary, I was in Calgary to see Banff, and after a short bus ride, I was in the thick of it.

While in Banff, I stayed at the Alpine Centre, a hostel that charges only $30 and a litre of milk per night. I have been eating cereal for breakfast, and every time I buy milk, the next time I take it from the fridge, someone has used almost all of it, just leaving a small amount at the bottom so they wouldn't have to feel bad about it.

I spent my first week in Banff looking for a job (partly to pay for all this milk), but after receiving countless offers, I decided to cut my losses and move on. I still had another week paid for though, so it was time to buy snowboarding gear and hit the slopes.

I finally went to Lake Louise Ski Resort on Sunday, and rode the hill from 9AM to 4PM without so much as a toilet break. I had great fun, but spent the next few days feeling extremely sore. If I didn't break by body, I sure as heck broke the record for most crashes in a single day. I must have crashed almost as often as my heart beat, and I was lucky that it was still beating by the end of the day. The worst thing was that I grazed my face on the ground at one point and has a nasty scratch all over, that I thought looked like I had spilled pasta sauce on my chin. I was a little embarrassed to find out later that I simply had past sauce on my chin.

The next few days got down to as low as around 30 below, so cold that the lifts weren't even running, . This meant I had a reason not to go tear more bones and break more muscles, and lose my nose to frostbite again. I always wondered what minus 30 felt like, but now that I've experienced it, I'm beginning to wonder what a nose, or ears, or fingers feel like.

When I was on the slopes, I spotted a $20 note on the ground (that gives you some idea of fast I must have been going). I was super happy, and stacked right next to, then grabbed it with a huge grin on my face and stuffed it into one of my zipped pockets. It seems that in all the excitement, I accidentally pulled the note out again before I zipped it, and later learnt that I also lost $20 on the slopes. I'm not sure how many times this happened, but at the end of day, I heard about 60 different people telling stories of how they had found a $20 note on the 'Deer Run'.

The Bow River, partly frozen over.

Other than that, the hostel can feel a bit like the Overlook Hotel, up in the mountains surrounded by snow, with not much to do but go crazy when it's so cold outside. Maybe it was even worse than the overlook though, because around 90% of the people staying there were Australian. My ears started to close over after a few days to protect themselves. I leave on Friday for Whistler and beyond.

In the February, 2012 edition, Kyan is as plan-less and clueless as ever, wandering around Canada trying to stretch those final pennies are far as they will possibly stretch. Read all about it in “The Complete Collection: Volumes 8-12”.